And then I broke my ankle.
I had to hand off my projects to others to fulfill, since I wasn't physically able to do many of the tasks in front of me. Then despite the set back of my ankle, I was asked to speak at our youth winter camp at Washington Family Ranch. I was reenergized and very excited to do this, as speaking is something I am very passionate about. We pressed forward in planning and preparing for Winter Camp all the way until the day before were to leave.
And then I got the flu.
All I was thinking was, What is going on? Why do all these things keep happening to me? I felt like a disappointment with a cast and a flu. All I wanted to do was move around, to be involved in worship and able to speak to our students at Winter Camp. I love to be around people and I love worshiping God with other believers but I was unable to do these things through all these roadblocks. I was home for a long time by myself, and I felt God was telling me, "All I want to do is spend time with you; I want you to listen to my voice."
"He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'" — Psalm 46:10
The Hebrew verb for "be still" means to cease, to be inactive, to surrender. The word "know" means to acknowledge, recognize, admit or confess. It was as if God was telling, "Israel, you need to stop what you are doing, you need to surrender to me and recognize that I am your God." And if I am completely honest, if I hadn't been forced to slow down, I don't know that I would have stopped. It wasn't until I was immobile and in bed with my ankle elevated that I was able to recognize God's voice.
Even though I was frustrated, I knew God was trying to speak directly to my heart. I did not have any other choice but to surrender to Him, and realized that it didn't matter if I was doing worship every Sunday or speaking at an event — if I was not able to listen to Him and recognize Him as my Lord, then everything I was doing was going to be worthless. I began to read His word and let Him speak to me. I did not have an instrument to play music, so the only instrument I had was my voice. By doing that, I learned that my worship required some silence to think, to confess, to respond, and to admire. There was no one around me, and there was no noise. The only thing I could do was respond to His voice and admire Him for all the things He had already done in my life. It was then that I truly began to understand that I needed more of Him and less of me.
"Teach me, and I will be silent; make me understand how I have gone astray." — Job 6:24
While I was worshipping in my on way, I was asking just what Job was asking God: to show me the things that I needed to get rid off. God began to reveal to me that most of the things I was doing, I was doing out of my own strength and understanding. I just kept going in my life without giving Him the opportunity to really guide and speak to me. There are too many voices that are constantly speaking to us and, unfortunately, many of those voices come from the enemy. God loves to speak to his children in a quiet voice, but in order to hear Him we must stop what we are doing. We need to allow the Holy Spirit to minister to our lives. We need to recognize that He is indeed the King of kings and the Lord of lords.
It was in the quiet and frustrating moments that I heard His voice clearly. My worship and my love for Him increased even more. I understood that His grace was more than enough for me and acknowledged that, sometimes, the best way to be a leader is to sit down and listen.
The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." — Exodus 14:14
The Lord is fighting our battles. All we have to do is silence ourselves and believe that ours is the victory.
Israel
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