I believe that the
reverential fear of God mixed with the love and fascination and astonishment and
admiration and devotion is the most enjoyable state and the most purifying
emotion a human soul can know. In my own being I could not exist very long as a
Christian without this inner consciousness of the Presence and nearness of God.
- A.W. Tozer
I was recently reflecting on my earliest memories of
following Jesus. When I was about seven years old, I remember being on my knees
during a church service sobbing desperately. I was overwhelmed by what I was
experiencing. That particular day, the pastor was preaching on the immense
sacrifice of Jesus and how everything Jesus did was out of a love beyond our
comprehension. He said that this love empowered us to become more than our sin,
that resurrection life was available to us.
The tears I was crying were not tears of sadness
exclusively, although sadness was present. I was sad that I broke my Heavenly
Father’s heart with my sin, but I was also incredibly thankful for the love
that was made available to me. I remember feeling great guilt in my heart. This
guilt spurred me forward into the seeking of mercy and forgiveness found in
Jesus.
Guilt is a gift. I think that many of us view guilt as an
exclusively negative aspect of human emotion, but I have come to understand
that guilt was actually placed in us as a gift, a mechanism that alerts us when
we have disobeyed God. We should pay attention to our guilt. We
should listen intently to what that guilt is telling us. Now shame on the other
hand, shame is not of God. Shame is what drove Adam into hiding when he
disobeyed the Creator. Guilt can propel us in one of two directions, shame or
humility. I believe that a healthy fear of the Lord is compiled of great
humility.
Throughout most of my life, the narrative of “the gospel”
was myopically centered around atonement, sin and forgiveness. “You’re a sinful
person, and you need Jesus unless you want to burn.” Right… Although atonement
is an integral facet of the gospel, it doesn’t stop there. The love that Jesus
reveals to us goes beyond simply making us clean so that we can be clean.
Jesus forgives us so that we can go on to discover the resurrected reality of
the Kingdom of Heaven. This is HOPE. Jesus is reconciling the world to himself,
and we have the beautiful opportunity to partner with Him in the goodness of the Kingdom.
My heart has been a pendulum. I feel immense guilt and
choose to live on the dead side of the resurrection, lost and paralyzed in my
shame. Or I forget about the great cost of my life and I live so comfortably on
the "new life" side of the resurrection that I lose a sense of awe and reverence
for this perfect God who spared me.
I have been attempting to reclaim both of these states of being
in my soul, holding both in tension within my worshipping heart. God gives an
alternative to shame and pride.
He gives us guilt and hope. In this, we have…
“the most enjoyable state and the most purifying emotion a human soul
can know.”
Lane
Uh. So good. Thanks Lane.
ReplyDelete